Respect

Article by: Patrick Lynch

There moments in life where we think somehow we have been wronged. People use the term “Being Disrespected”, but in truth were they? How much respect do you give to another person? This all depends on what culture you might have grown up in. Some cultures think it is their right to be respected without giving respect.

The truth is most people don’t give respect, they give courtesy. What is the difference? One is a learned behavior taught in schools and by television. Respect starts with self! Courtesy is please, and thank you. Respect is having understanding and empathy. These come from example and life lessons.

Respect is that key to knowing how another person feels and being able to see yourself in their shoes. Respect comes from something deeper, it is know a gay man is gay and not being rude or calling them names out of discomfort, respect is knowing your wrong and admitting it, respect is seeing another race and not saying something bad under your breath after they pass.

Courtesy is getting a burger at a fast food place and saying thank you, but respect comes when you see the order is wrong and asking politely can you fix this it is wrong. Courtesy is holding a door open, respect comes from when someone doesn’t do it in return and letting it go.

Men are taught to be respected, but women are sources of sex, this is not respect but a negative stereo type. Women and men are equals, not objects, that is respect. “In a man’s world”, this is a way of disrespecting the opposite sex, now think if you were a man and the roles were reversed? You would feel disrespected. But these biases continue on. If a woman works and a man takes care of the children and house work is he any less than a man? “NO!”

Certain demographics think a woman’s place is in the kitchen and caring for children even when these women have 40 an hour a week jobs. It is a humans place to provide for their family and share equally the household duties. This is called a “Partnership” and this is true respect.

In this 21^st century society some things have change where others have not, in some countries in the Middle-east and Africa young girls are vaginally mutilated so that they will not stray from their husbands, other are raped and beaten, in the name that the man was disrespected. Is this respect or torture? It is torture, but comes from societies and cultures where a misbalanced sense of respect is taught.

How does one define respect? Respect comes from understanding and education. When a person understands the self, then they are more likely to see themselves in others, but with poor knowledge in this area people can become disrespectful and potentially harmful to others. The old adage “With knowledge comes power,” this is very true.

But where do we start as people to teach the ideals of respect in a proper manner? Respecting others is one of those perception points and a lot of disagreements throughout his have come from misunderstandings seen as disrespect. In the Arab world throwing ones shoes at another person is a great-disrespect, here in the U.S. it is seen as juvenile and insulting, in Italy thumbing ones nose is like the middle finger in the U.S., these two examples illustrate how what is disrespectful in one place isn’t in another.

So how is one to know, well this isn’t always easy, some societies are closed about their customs and culture, so in these cases it is always best to do your homework before you deal with other cultures. Respect is earned not always given. But you say what if I am in a situation where I couldn’t have prepared for; well in these cases asking in a humble manner for forgiveness always goes a long way to gaining respect.

Respect is a tricky thing, and many people can always point the finger at other cultures and say they are disrespectful. But are they, or are you? This falls back to perception and culture. Most people are raise to have courtesy and to say please and thank you under the guise of respect. Respect come when see’s something wrong and acts on it if they were the one in the situation, most have a “NIMBY” stance. What is “NIMBY” – (Not In My Back Yard)!

We are told to respect our elder’s, and yet teens and some young adults push past the elderly and treat them as they haven’t a clue or they are unimportant. The truth is they were young once and just as disrespectful. 

AH! So it falls to this generation to step up and be the mature ones and not repeat the past.

This is true respect and maturity, but as soon as one falls to calling people names, or bullying, or being inconsiderate then you have no respect. A good example of this is a tagger who paints his name or gang name on a tax paying, hard working person’s outer wall in the claim that it is their turf, when in reality they live with family who pay the bills, this is disrespect. That person now has to pay money and time to clean up after this tagger.  

The tagger sees this as disrespect but in truth they disrespected the homeowner and community. This is why perception and culture play there parts in respect. Before you think you have been disrespected think about how your actions might affect others around you.

Once you have empathy not apathy then the respect quota might shift and then one might be able to see how to be respectful and gain respect. Respect does not come from being married, it helps but if you are a bad spouse than no gain there. If you have a good job that helps, but if you are a bad co-worker than respect once again means nothing, as you can see from these examples, when one does well as a student, a lover, as good worker, etc. Then one earns respect.

Respect is that when you are doing the right thing for no reward but just to be a better person then your journey to respect has begun. Action always speak louder than words, so always do the right thing and speak little to what you have done, but in this don’t be a push over, know right from wrong and always stand up for yourself in a responsible manner and with respect. Life is a journey not a destination, work towards being the better person always and respect will come to you.